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[November 9th, 2009 / 7:30pm] |
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so i havent eaten meat since i started THATS AWSOME!!! other than that im back into my old pilaites rutien im hopeing 110lbs but the end of nov you know what ill be happy w/ just a flat stomch. & a collar bone. ok so ill update in a few going to walk my doggy
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| lets try something new |
[November 4th, 2009 / 4:34pm] |
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so its the 4th day of november most fear this day beacause everyones & look forward to the big fest on thanksgiveing. i want to try something new this month & kinda test my ability. im going to be vegitarian & to be the best that i can be. i will not eat meat for a whole month or atlest try & if i do like it of course i will stay that way:] along the road i will try to drop some pounds of course. so this will be intresting, i promise i will try to update this journal. im just so addicted to tumblr. once again here my url.
ashleymedland.tumblr.com OR twitter.com/ashleymedland
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| 4:04pm |
[November 4th, 2009 / 4:04pm] |
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my day is half way over & herwes what i had so far
breakfast: coffee
brunch: couple spoons of frozen yogurt
lunch: 3 spoons of rice but a venti cup of black iced coffee @ starbucks.
my goal today is just not ruin what i got going here. im not trying to put perssure on myself because then thats where i fuck up. boiling water right now for some coffee
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| maybe |
[October 28th, 2009 / 11:59am] |
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i should write something on here.........
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| best i ever had |
[July 4th, 2009 / 12:47pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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idk.....
last night i was drunk and thinking do i even like nick? i think i just like kissing him. hmmm, HAHAH
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| honestly |
[June 18th, 2009 / 9:54pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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yeah i already know my friends think im a total joke. why do you think when they want comfort im not there. why do you think i dont talk about my problem to them? if im such a failure then fine im just hanging w/ yall to get by day by day its always boring w/o you guys. u dont have to take me seriously im not looking for comfort i just need something to pass the time away.
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| LKAKLH |
[June 18th, 2009 / 9:42pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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I WANNA GO BACK IN time when i met ya, i wanna forget ya, so thing would be betta.
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| i will be satisfied |
[June 1st, 2009 / 3:19pm] |
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i will be happy, once u can count my ribs. once u can eat cheeiros out of my collar bone, once my hip bones are flaunted. once i can wear a skirt and not worry that my legs are jigling cuz there wont be anything there. once my arms are super thin, when i wear my hair tie around my rist itll be loose, once u can see the vains on my feet and hands. when i fucking bend down & u see my spin. when theres no roles when i sit up stright, once i hit my idel perfect body. once i look into the mirror and see perfection threw my owen eyes. when i have nothing to complain about. I WILL BE MUTHER FUCKING HAPPY. stupid boys like nick wont bother me anymore. mean comments about my vocie wont bother me anymore. being at home wont bother me anymore. staring at my friends wont bother me anymore. cuz ill be a skinny bitch & in the end nothing will matter. cuz im happy. & i wont give a shit about anyone else cuz im happy thats all that matters :)
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| yaaay! |
[April 25th, 2009 / 1:00am] |
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mood |
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so i got my check gave toshi $100 then since i was wanting a new purse so badly i bought one at H&M altough i wanted to get it from urban outfitters. but good thing is i saved money. got to give toshi $50 and then im worried free. got ima snag some mary-kate shorts at urban tomarrow & MAAAAAAAAAYBE get my nails done.. idk i want to spoil myself. ahahah maybe ill hold off the nails for my next check & buy some shirts & diet pills. i shouldnt reward myself until i start my workouts tho. but i know ill get to it. i really need jeans.... but i do need a new work skirt! OMG SEE..... shit. ok well we'll see whats up. ima sleep before i dont wake up tomarrow & do nothing
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| i hate how AQ is dieing |
[April 22nd, 2009 / 2:26pm] |
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discontent |
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CW:between 115lbs-120lbs (i havent steped on a scale in 2 weeks so im unsure :/)
GW:105 by june
HW:125
LW:115lbs
woke up today still trying to recover from a cold.
had water multi + fiber pills 2eggs & toast some watermelon.
plan to have water & watermelon the rest of the day.
follow me :)
www.twitter.com/ashleymedland
ANYWAYS....... im waiting for friday to get my check getting paaaaaaid feels good. i want a summer dress.
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| waiting... |
[April 18th, 2009 / 3:20pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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GOD IM SO IMPATIENT WAITING FOR MY CHECK! i went in today & they said we get paid NEXT friday..... so another week w/o money! BUMMER but i have a list of shit to get, i have to give $70 to toshi $20 to finally pay him back $40 for edc ticket & $10 for the movie rolling. I JUST REALLY WANNA GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THE WAY so then i can get my diet pills finally im in need of them im like ready to walk to ralphs and just jack them. THATS HOW MUCH I NEED THEM. arrrg! after i want to get some cloths & get my nails done. yiep sound good. YAAAY spring break is FIANLLY HERE but it dosent make a difference cuz im like ALWAYS on spring break ahahha just this week i dont have to feel bad about going to school or not.im hopeing this week gose by fast tho. Well thats enough for now. im so sick... i still have energy to play tho. im waiting for toshi to gimmie some dayquil in his new ride. ahahah hes a lucky ducky. tian & i arent talking still. but nick texted me randomly oh well....
as for my weight....ehh.... ima say 120lbs cuz i really dont know but thats how i feel. im a fatty. dont worry one day ima be as skinny as samantha ronson. i want a boy-ish figure its so cute.
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| so i just read tians blog |
[April 13th, 2009 / 11:17pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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and wrote a long mean comment. i hate him for being such an ass. nobody understands its not my fault. FUCK EVERYONE, people ask me why im crazy this is why! cuz i can never express my feelings cuz i get shut down or look like a bad person. i might not cry over split beer but i do hurt inside. so when nick broke up w/ me should tian have been more caring than yell at me cuz i invited emily to the mountins. yeah i understand to respect his feelings but what about mine & we went all the way to the fucking top anyways so wtf. this fight lead to more resaons and a bigger fight but whatever. the bottem line is ILL STILL BE YOUR FRIEND AND IM GOING TO SAY SORRY CUZ OBVISLY IM THE BETTER MATURE ONE. & keeping him as a friend is good anyways. THIS FUCkING ISNT HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE so wtf why we fighting like it is. None of my friend give a shit or understand me anyways. so like always ill keep my feelings to myself & help them w/ theres cuz while my feelings stay bottled up and mysterious they just pour theres out there for me to know & help. i guess i just havent felt comfort. how many times have i sat threw a heart to heart.....MANY I SAY. how many times i talked back NONE & if i did i was probaly lieing to keep u spilling more shit out. i just dont trust people. cuz either way it ALWAYS comes back to hurt me. GRRRR! i need a cig. FUCK! see what u do TIANZHANG... fuck you,fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
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| takis |
[April 3rd, 2009 / 1:09pm] |
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mood |
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 exanimate |
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I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
& i might be addicted to cigs, i caught myself walking at 3am to 7-11 to buy a pack. SMOKEING CAMELS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHAT THE. & i havent been going to school for 2 weeks. I havent had a goods night sleep for that matter. tossing & turning night after night. WHATS WRONG W/ ME!!!!!!! Dam it. & i know its not the weed BUT i really wish i had some right about now.
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| la la la la |
[April 2nd, 2009 / 11:15pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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LEAVE ME DREAMING ON THE BED.
SEE YOU RIGHT BACK HERE TOMARROW FOR THE NEXT ROUND.
its ez to say something & not actually do it, & to trick you mind to think your ok thin when actually u know ur stomch sticks out & ur thighs are big & u hate hearing ur feet stomp when u walk. IM ON A RACE & ITS KILLING TIME!
i need to focas..... i really need to see myself in the mirror at tell myself if i actully want this... want to be skinny... want to stop bitching that ever ones better than me i have to see that im the only one that can fix this problem cuz its my body.no one has control over it but me
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| dam |
[March 29th, 2009 / 10:55pm] |
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sometimes i wish i had a bets friend.
like a real one that i can talk to. & feel like they are listening. i feel like my friends are so self abosored or that if i do talk they think im being emo. even tho i present myself as a happy camper most of the its false avertisment. well....no not really. i just need some reasurence. i want to feel like i can stand on my owen two feet. somethings gotta give.
i need a job -_-
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| & i ask myself why |
[March 28th, 2009 / 12:37am] |
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WHY?!
idk.... sometimes i think its for boys or the attation or the fashion icon to do thing its whats in or whatever.
thats not a resoan thats not THE resoan.
maybe its because i get things handed to be ALL THE TIME. Nobody not even me can see or realize how much of a spoiled brat i am. i dont have to work or anything i dont lift a finger im geting waited on from left to right. dosnt mean i have to be rich to get the royaled treatment. im a fucking princess or a queen. really tho. i dont do chors i dont pay rent i dont work i dnt by my owen drugs food places for partys or what have you. ive been so babyed all my life from relitves to parent to friends im a LUCKY SON OF A BITCH! i can be a bum right now and still be able to live the same as everyone else cuz theres always someone there right behind be to take care of me. AHAHAH yup. my life is great eehh? GREAT FRIENDS GREAT PARENTS GREAT-----body NO! & thats the only thing i have control over something i can call my owen. FUCK YOU ITS MY BODY!
(& i thak god everyday for my lovely friends that take care of me cuz they care MUAAAAH!)
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| what about me? |
[March 24th, 2009 / 12:56pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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i just think alot when im all alone by myself. what else am i to do anyways?
but why dont i ever get a break? why dont people want to cuddle & feel bad for me? where my comfort? oh sure when cora is sad over dylan we help her. & when emily & alex we all rush over and watch her fake cry. toshi hides in drugs & rins..... oh well who knows but we still help them too. but what do i get when im dumped?! OH MY DOG DIES, TIAN DOSNT WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE I GAIN WEIGHT I HAVE A BAD DAY AT WORK I DRINK & DO DRUGS & I....WELL IDK I HAVE ALOT GOING & I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO IM STRESSED TOO DOSENT ANYONE SEE THIS WEIGHT GAIN/LOSS DOSENT ANYONE SEE THESE PIMPLES? DOSENT ANYONE BOTHER TO CARE? all im saying is where the FUCK is my comfort. why am i the bad guy! oh fuck you tian your stressed dosent mean that you can throw it all on me yell at me like its my fucking fault when hello i have problems of my owen. you fucking yelled at me on the day i felt the worse, like wtf & you knew. i had a fake smile on i wasnt even talking the whole fucking day & you still mange you make it the worse. who fucking cares if he was the worst boyfriend ever sorry hes not rich & happy & cool like dylon or sorry he dosent call 10000x a day like alex but we made me happy right?! i still loved him dosent that mean anything to anyone. FUCK NO CUZ NO ONE GIVES A FUCK! THERE ALL INTO THEMSELVES! unless something really big happens like when im preg. Or idk. IM not complaining & im not saying my friends are bad i just want them to notice that there are other people too. that we are all going threw the same shit so if you like know something say HEY FUCKER I NOTICED! or somehting dont be an asshole like tian & just not be my friend anymore cuz ur stressed well fucker you shouldnt have yelled at me that day & maybe i shoulda have went out that day. cuz i dont think that it was fair for him to do that to me AFTER I DID ALL THIS SHIT FOR HIM! I EVEN TAUGHT HIM HOW TO DO IT! omg, im such a good friemd but people just take me for granit UGHH.... FUCK THIS RANT IM DONE by the time people read it....IM A BAD PERSON ANYWWAYS RIGHT, but whatever just another bad day. I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THE BRA!
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| mammy? |
[March 22nd, 2009 / 1:36pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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im so annoyed that i dont get any hours & then when i do i have a terible day.
& anyways i think i should start looking for a second job & cuz if im planning to run away to mammy & get the fresh air the great white cuties & such i needa start moveing faster. & i dont need anyone to make me happy screw nick & i dont need anyone to tell me i cant be skinny i just need money & sure enough ill be on my way to a far away place where no one will find me :)
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